Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Staying Sane.

I figured out in the past couple of weeks that yoga is imperative during times of emotional struggle, no matter how much I don't even feel like moving. I am going through an drastic and sudden change in my life, and I am having difficulty accepting it and letting go. The person I loved had to leave my life, for reasons I am not quite clear on. It's interesting, because each morning, I wake up in the same mindset of, "Oh, I am so sad, and I am this and I am that, and this is awful, and why did this happen, and I am heartbroken, and this will never go away, and I have lost my motivation...." My mind continues to torment me with these thoughts and my heart aches deep inside of my chest,  and I swear if I think about my heart, all I see is black.

But each day throughout this painful time, I have made it to my yoga mat, whether it is at my studio for a 90-minute class or in my room for 20. And, no, my bad feelings and emotions aren't magically gone afterwards, but man, does my yoga practice at least grant me some peace. It brings me back into my body, and takes me away from the clutter and confusion of my thoughts.

Last week was the first time I have ever had a class that I thought I would not be able to finish. I was so emotionally drained and upset that as soon as I sat down and shut my eyes to begin, I thought to myself, "There's no way, there's no way I am doing this entire class, this is too much, I have to leave."

But, my body stayed, I sat there, and finished the breathing portion, flowed through sun salutations, balancing poses, seated poses, and made it to savasana an hour and a half later. And even though, I didn't feel anywhere close to how my normally-joyful self feels after a class, I felt a hell of a lot better than before. It's almost like my body did not allow my mind to take me out of the class. It told my mind to shutup and that this is what I really needed at that moment.

So, during this tough time, I credit my body's connection to my mind and my yoga practice for my sanity.


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