Thursday, June 30, 2011


I did about 6 hours of yoga yesterday. I kid you not. I am not an addict- I am just in the midst of my yoga-teacher training course (just finished up week 2). And then, I took one of my friend's classes at night. Each day, I have clearer and clearer readings on my inner spirit. During my THIRD, yes third, savasana, I had this vivid image of my heart. It was filled with all these little black holes. And, one by one, my hand reached in and pulled out bunches of black strings. These black strings are leftover pain, residue from the past that I no longer need in order to live completely and fully alive, with my heart totally in tact.

 I felt new... It was like a black tidal wave swept over my whole being and left me clean and flowing, like blooming flowers in a bountiful garden. I had an image of myself for a few brief seconds, seated, alone, just enjoying the scenery. Words came to my mind, like, Don't be afraid, Just go, Just trust, Just go on your way.

And today, as I flowed in and out of postures, I felt a deep connection to myself--- a serious feeling of wholeness. I have felt this before, in the past... It's a feeling of comfort with being alone, being at peace with myself, even with all of my imperfections, insecurities, and personality flaws.  I am complete, I thought so many times today. What a beautiful thing to feel after feeling so depleted for several weeks.

Everywhere I look, there are people with love in their hearts that is so strong it shines through their eyes.  For others, it is deep down--If we really give people a chance, everyone has it somewhere inside of them, even if it is at the bottom of a heap of dirt- anger, fear, resentment, sadness, etc... It's still there. And when we find it, what an amazing experience it is. The past falls away, there are no regrets, there are no shoulda woulda couldas. There is acceptance, peace, and forgiveness. When we allow the future to fall away, there is no worry or fear, there are no expectations. There is trust and hope. And in the present, everywhere I look, there is change, there is new life, there is no reaching for the unknown, there is no looking back. 

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