Monday, July 25, 2011

Right here, Right now.

For the past few months, my life has been a whirlwind of change-- wanted change and un-wanted change. But, in retrospect, every change that was made, is being made, is going to be made-- they are all completely and 100 percent necessary. As a female who is pretty set in her ways, stubborn, and wants to plan everything out, I have been dealt some interesting waves of change. Although I was convinced things were not going the way they are supposed to, these waves paved my path into my very own transformation. I feel much more full on life, on myself, on my soul, my mind is usually more at ease. My heart is still in a contradicting state with my head, but I will be surprised when or if those two ever really come into perfect alignment.

This is not to say that I don't doubt what goes on in my life, and what God's path truly is for me. Lately, I have been trying to listen so closely to Him, I am writing to him, praying to him. I am determined to hear my heart clearly, but there are so many blockages and residue left over on top of it that it seems almost nearly impossible right now. Everyday, probably at least a handful of times, I think I am not making the right decisions for myself. It's when I come to my yoga mat and start to just, flow-- listening to nothing but my breath-- ignoring the sounds of all the mental burdens and my heart's confusion-- I just let go... and my breath takes me. The plans, the control, the need to know what is going to happen-- all the unanswered questions-- they can just melt away and I am free to simply: Be Me. 

My yoga mat is a place where I am capable of completely letting go and trusting  the movements, the breath, the journey. And afterwards, I feel more equipped and willing to continue on my path, knowing that it will never be perfect and I will sometimes doubt myself... nonetheless, I'll move on through the muck and rise to the surface. So, no, I don't really know exactly what I want right now. But, I am exactly where I need to be. 

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