Thursday, February 24, 2011

Tuning out the bad thoughts and tuning into truth

Sometimes, like this morning, I feel like letting out a big screech during yoga. This may sound bizarre but when my mind is processing the previous evening's disruptions and trying to let go of anything bothering me, it is hard to be so quiet. But my fellow yogis' apparent peacefulness and the quietness of the room made me want to calm down. It made me want to let go of any lingering annoyances or anything that could possibly hold me back from living this day to its best potential. And I did.

I got over my sometimes-bratty self's mindset of burdening thoughts about anything, really-anything at all, that could possibly be wrong with my life. I am at least about 88% sure that most people's minds want to grasp and grab at all the "problems" and all of the things that could be, would be, should be, better in their lives. My mind is totally guilty of this even though I have a unwavering truth instilled in me that my life is beautiful and I am so grateful for everything I am blessed with. But, hello! I am a human and I lose sight of this beauty, sometimes several times a day.

That's why yoga is so important for me. Yoga humbles me and smacks me around a little bit (obviously, in a figurative sense). Like, today, when I was slowly letting go of my bratty thoughts (thank God) and when I was standing in Warrior 1. We held that pose for what seemed like 15 minutes (it was probably about 3 or 4 in real life) and if my legs could talk, they would have been saying, "DEAR LORD!!! CAROLINE WHAT THE HELL??? STOP THIS MADNESS NOW!"

In other words, my hamstrings and thighs were aching after about a minute of holding Warrior 1. But I stayed there. This, to me, is how yoga keeps me grounded. Once the pain is felt, I can learn to sit there with it and surrender to it- much like when negative thoughts find their sneaky way into my young mind. It is that simple- I can let them go now that I have accepted them. Now, it shouldn't be a pain that makes you want to cry, but just enough to make you think, "WOW. I do not know if I can hold this pose." Today was a day where I needed to hold it and breathe through the physical fatigue, in order to help me rid myself and work though the mind muck.

Other times, I am feeling more lighthearted and less serious with myself and my mind is in a more carefree place. These are the days when I can fall out of a hard balance pose and laugh at my clumsy, unperfect self. But I will save that for another post, because after all, this IS today.


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