Thursday, February 2, 2012

Owning My Confidence.

It dawned on me over the past few days. I taught an evening yoga class and this amazing 60-something-year-old woman told me I seem "so confident" while I am teaching. I just laughed and told her I'm glad I can fake it.

But once I got home and reflected on our conversation, I realized: You know what? I am becoming confident in teaching yoga-- with good reason. Since my training last summer, I have studied, planned, and continued growing my knowledge of the practice. I deserve to feel at ease and comfortable while I am teaching, so I can help my students to feel the same.

It's funny how we can unknowingly send out a certain impression, a facade, to the world around us--- especially to those who barely know us. We can be feeling one way and seem like we are feeling the exact opposite. People can guess you are someone you are absolutely not even close to being. I know from experience.

For most of my life, especially during the past few years, people have thought I am much more confident and sure of myself than I truly was. It used to irritate me and bother me, because I wanted people to know that I was the same insecure "young adult" like everyone else. For some reason, I was frustrated and even kind of bothered with this notion that I seem to "have it all together," because I certainly didn't feel like it. There were only a select few who actually knew all of me to the core- each insecurity, each flaw, each issue.

But somewhere in between the time I graduated college- about 9 months ago- and right now, I started to realize there is no reason to be frustrated. It's taken me a while-- some heartache, some tears, some struggles-- to gain clarity on how I want my life to be and how I am going to live it. I had to jump over massive obstacles of fear to get there.

I realized running from the person who truly knows what she wants, is futile. I asked myself, wait a minute--- why have you been working so hard at figuring out what you want, finding your passion and working toward your dreams? You're succeeding.

As I get older, I become aware of everything-- negative thoughts, old beliefs, people who suck the life out of me -- and I see how necessary it is to let that all go and never look back. And, I become more and more aware of everything else --people who love me completely, my passions that keep my fire burning, and JOY-- that I strive to cultivate and cherish in my life.

In this process, I become more aware of who I truly am and I realize how important it is to accept and embrace all of me- flaws and assets combined. In turn, this will benefit everyone in my life, because after I accept more of myself, I accept more of everyone else.

So, I'm thinking, maybe instead of "faking" my confidence, I can actually begin to own it.

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